Mosquito Press

Mideo Cruz and his controversial installation, ‘Poletismo’

BY THE STAFF

“I am so much more than the Mideo Cruz that’s portrayed in the media,” Mideo Cruz tells Mosquito Press.

“I’ve been called blasphemous, heretical, an offspring of the devil… but I am so much more than that.”

The controversial artist, whose exhibit at the Cultural Center of the Philippines was recently shut down, continues to operate from a cramped studio in Quezon City. It is here that his next works are being shaped — works that, Cruz says, will finally let audiences understand him.

At the center of Cruz’s studio is a large portrait of a masturbating Cory Aquino.

Cruz poses in front of his piece, entitled ‘C*nty Aquino’

“This piece is a metaphor for loneliness. You know, Tita Cory was a widow. And she was President. Both are very lonely positions. One wonders, how often did she finger herself?” says Mideo.

Cruz continues, “This piece is about society, too. It’s about sexuality. It’s a critique of the Theory of Evolution. Also, if you turn the work upside down, the meaning changes. Upside down, the painting becomes a metaphor for hope amidst a world that is in violent flux, due to the effects of capitalism and neo-colonialism, especially in the wake of 9/11 and the so-called ‘War on Terror’.”

A seminal artist

In between sips of tea, Cruz turns serious. He says he is “hurt” by attacks on his craftsmanship — specifically, by National Artist for Literature, F. Sionil Jose, who has called him “immature.”

He brings us to a corner of his studio and holds up one of his latest projects — a collage depicting a penis ejaculating a bar of gold.

“The collage is a very difficult medium. One has to utilize scissors to cut a photograph, and then apply a precise amount of adhesive, or what is known in common parlance as ‘glue.’ What’s immature about this?” says Cruz.

“By the way, this is an actual picture of my father’s penis, and the gold here represents me, Mideo Cruz. It’s my expression of humility, because all my talents and skills, I owe to papa’s penis juice,” Cruz explains.

Respect

Despite the recent controversy, Mideo Cruz remains hopeful. All he wishes is that people respect his artistic expression.

However, when asked if respect begets respect — and if his shocking critique of how Filipinos worship deservingly stoked people’s shocked reactions at the way he does art — Cruz becomes defensive.

“Why? Would you prefer I only draw rainbows and smiley faces and pictures of bishops helping the poor?” Mideo asks.

“Because those are really hard to draw,” he concludes.

Atty. Jo Imbong and members of the Saint Thomas More Society stalk Paris Hilton outside Malacañang Palace

Paris Hilton’s arrival in Manila has caused an avalanche of reaction — but few are as violent as the reactions from Atty. Jo Imbong, Executive Director of the Saint Thomas More Society.

At 10 a.m. today, Imbong posted a message on the social networking site Twitter, calling Paris Hilton “the devil”, and asking followers to gather near Malacañang Palace, where Hilton was meeting President Noynoy Aquino.

By 11 a.m., the entire membership of the Society had amassed at Mendiola — all ten of them, bearing wooden stakes and crucifixes, and calling for Hilton’s head.

“Paris Hilton is a temple of sin!” said Imbong as she addressed the gathering. ”Her catchphrase ‘That’s hot,’ sends innocents into the fires of hell!”

The breach

By 12 noon, the Society had breached the gates of Malacañang by threatening Palace guards with excommunication. The guards were discovered hours later, cowering in fear.

Several members of the Society then built a pyre on the front lawn of the Palace, as the rest of the group pledged allegiance to their patron, Saint Thomas More, a 15th Century lawyer known for torturing heretics and burning them at the stake.

At half past 12, Imbong took a megaphone and started chanting at the direction of the Palace: “Domine, serva nos a vaginae Paris Hilton est. Pati nolite hirundo filios nostros. Et placet, dona nobis catulus.” (“Lord, protect us from Paris Hilton’s vagina. Do not let it swallow our children. And please, give us a puppy.”)

Palace reaction

As of press time, a standoff still ensues. With the Saint Thomas More Society staying put, operations inside Malacañang have come to a halt.

President Aquino, fearing the safety of his new acquaintance, refuses to leave Hilton’s side and has formally asked her to stay the night.

Hilton responded, “No.”  — Mosquito Press

Fr. Melvin Castro of the CBCP presents the list to media

The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) has released a list of 1,829 acts that it says, “attack the moral fiber of Filipino life.”

Included in the list is the “consumption and distribution of chocolatey products.” The CBCP explains, “Chocolate is a natural aphrodisiac. It encourages promiscuity, which leads to abortions! … Chocolate is cancerous!”

Also mentioned is the “wearing of inappropriate attire, such as bikinis, mini skirts, and any clothing that exposes a woman’s head.” This is based on the Bible’s 1 Corinthians 11:2-16, which states that if a woman fails to keep her head covered, she should be shaved bald.

Fr. Melvin Castro, Executive Director of the CBCP Episcopal Commission on Family and Life, said at a press conference, “The list clarifies the Church’s position as savior of the Filipino race.”

He said, “As God-appointed leaders, we consider it our duty to tell people how evil they are, and how they can avoid the fires of hell just by doing what we tell them to do.”

In Ayala Alabang, do not take cover.

The Sanggunian Barangay of Ayala Alabang released an ordinance today that regulates the use of “anti-calamity activities and devices,” such as earthquake drills and earthquake engineering.

In an interview with Mosquito Press, Barangay Ayala Alabang spokesperson Atty. Noemi Ochave explains, “All anti-calamity acts and devices are immoral, because they undermine the will of God and prevent the natural process of death from occurring.”

Ochave said that the recent earthquake in Japan was “in God’s plan… because nuclear power is evil.”

Dark ages?

Meanwhile, several militant residents oppose the bill.

Dr. Luisita Ongpaoco told Mosquito Press, “If the Barangay Council wants to ban modern forms of protection, then we might as well just go back to the Dark Ages!”

Another resident, who asked not to be named, fearing his safety, said, “Why do these self-proclaimed righteous people feel they need to influence the lives of others? When a calamity happens, we will all get what we deserve. They can hide under the hand of God, I will hide under my table.” Mosquito Press

Former CBCP President Nereo Ochimar

MANILA — Tandag Bishop Nereo Ochimar, president of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP), resigned from his post today in order to take a job as the official spokesperson of the late pop singer Michael Jackson.

Ochimar submitted his irrevocable letter of resignation to the CBCP board this morning. The CBCP have not released a comment.

Ochimar sat down with Mosquito Press to answer questions about this surprise decision.

Mosquito Press: As official spokesperson of Michael Jackson, how will you convey the thoughts and feelings of Mr. Jackson, when he is, of course, dead?

Bishop Nereo Ochimar: Well, upon much study of the writings of Michael Jackson, contained in his songs, and also, with deep reflection and introspection, I of course, am able to speak on behalf of Mr. Jackson.

Did ever you get the chance to meet Him?

No.

How, then, will we be able to verify that what you’re saying on Jackson’s behalf is correct?

Well, the family, led by the Father, Mr. Joseph Walter Jackson, has decreed that I have absolute infallibility.

So we’re supposed to believe that what you’re saying is right because you say that what you’re saying is right?

Yes.

Given that Mr. Jackson is dead, why does he need a spokesperson?

Michael Jackson’s Word provides inspiration and guidance to millions of people around the world. For many, it represents a righteous way of life! Therefore, it is but important that we spread his Word, and utilize it as the basis for the institutions of society, such as family, government, and the self.

Give us an example. How would you use Michael Jackson’s Word to influence the government?

Well, with the so-called reproductive health or RH. We should be anti-contraception. No to all kinds of contraception! After all, according to In the Closet, verse one, lines five to ten, “I cannot contain myself when in your presence / I’m so humble / Touch me / Don’t hide our love / Woman to man.”

Obviously, we should not contain or hide or obscure of obfuscate of obstruct the love, meaning the natural ability to reproduce, between a man and a woman.

How else?

On the issue of divorce. You know, divorce is so immoral. Jackson said, “The girl is mine / The doggone girl is mine / I know she’s mine / Because the doggone girl is mine.” The Girl is Mine, verse two, lines one to four. Clearly, the woman is the property of the man. So how can they part?

What about Michael Jackson saying, “I’m bad”?

You know, that is subject to interpretation in the proper context. Bad does not mean evil. “Bad,” in the Jacksonian sense, means bad against evil. So when you’re bad to evil, that means you’re good. Di ba?

Mr. Jackson did not write all his lyrics. His lyrics were sometimes written by others, and then edited by a council of managers and advisers, who determined what words stayed and what words were taken out. Doesn’t this mean that his lyrics do not totally reflect His word?

No it does not. And also, I’m infallible. Mosquito Press